Online Dating Advice for the Gentlemen


Some words of advice when writing your online dating profiles.

#1 Profile names: Profile names that contain the words “stallion”, “hot”, “sexy” are immediate red flags. Stop using them. 2hot2handal and BaldStallion06, this means you.

#2 Profile photos: First off, please keep your shirts on! Man nipples, farmer tans, and beer bellies do not earn you points with the ladies. The photo below violates all three.


If you have a ripped body, flexing your naked biceps while standing by your Camaro is a little too showy. Yeah, I’m talking to you, bub!


Second, an ex-girlfriend or a group of girls in your profile photo screams “I STILL HAVE ISSUES WITH MY EX” and/or “I AM A MASSIVE MANWHORE”.  For those of you who  attempt to crop out the girl, but leave half a face, I’m totally on to you.

#3 Profile text: The following phrases should be mostly avoided. I’ve included each phrase’s literal translation to help you guys understand why these phrases are a bad idea.

“I am a snuggler” = I like to dress up as a woman in my free time.

“I’m a simple guy” = I isn’t too smart

“I just want some fun” = I’m looking for cheap sex; any takers?

“I’m average looking on a good day” = Sad (You have to have some confidence in yourself. If you don’t like yourself, it’s pretty tough to convince someone else to like you. )

#4 Finally, Check the Non-Negotiables

Most online dating sites have checklists where you can decide what’s important to you and the preferred traits of your mate. It’s kind of like car shopping.

Guys, pay attention to these! When a girl says she’s looking for someone in a certain age range, she usually means it. If you are 10 years over that age range, it’s probably a good bet she won’t be interested.


Dating is tough and online dating might be even tougher. Just make sure to put your best foot forward!


About Restless Cube Dweller

Most of my adult life has been defined finding homes in unconventional places, and learning to interact positively with others. I've lived in the middle of nowhere, in small cities, in large cities, in the suburbs, and now in Dubuque, Iowa. This blog represents my musings about growing up, moving on, finding love, and eating well in the suburbs and beyond.
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6 Responses to Online Dating Advice for the Gentlemen

    • Restless Cube Dweller says:

      The experience has been ridiculously funny so far. There are actually some good guys on the site, but some of them are creepy trolls.

  1. Sarah says:

    Oh, very very funny!!! But sad too….

    • Restless Cube Dweller says:

      It can be a little sad with the guys who are so tough on themselves, but I feel that some of the more arrogant guys deserve the mockery.

  2. Peter says:

    Thanks for the good advices

    • Restless Cube Dweller says:

      You’re welcome! I do think think that a lot of these profiles probably have some decent guys behind them. They just need to work on putting their best foot forward!

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