A non-detasseling freak.

The arrival of July in Iowa reminds me to two things this year: corn and my high school reunion. 

No caption needed.

When I was in middle school, I detasseled corn for the first time. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the process, here’s the wikipedia description.   

Now, here’s my description: Detasseling is a torture device for kids who would rather be inside reading next to the air conditioner on a summer day. Once I entered the detasseling bus before dawn, there was no going back; I was owned by these sadistic people called “crew captains”. By 7 am I was soaked by dew, covered in mud, and bitten by insects the size of my fist. 

As much as my parents said it would build character, I didn’t believe it.   

So, on one particularly hot, muddy, miserable day I had a clever idea (this is also a lie I’ve kept under wraps for the past 15 years). I decided to faux faint in my corn row. This meant that the sadistic crew captains had to carry me back to the bus, and I didn’t have to finish my row.

I acted my ass off that day and it worked. I didn’t detassel the following year and my middle school counterparts never let me forget it. As a result, I received a slightly mean, but humorous note from one of the girls in my crew. 

“Have a great year you non-tasseling freak.” 

I have to say that it’s the only yearbook signature I still remember.

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About Restless Cube Dweller

Most of my adult life has been defined finding homes in unconventional places, and learning to interact positively with others. I've lived in the middle of nowhere, in small cities, in large cities, in the suburbs, and now in Dubuque, Iowa. This blog represents my musings about growing up, moving on, finding love, and eating well in the suburbs and beyond.
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