I have a confession to make…
I earned a “C” in Drivers Ed class and I had to take the written driving permit test three times when I was fifteen. Because of these two facts, the idea of of going to the Illinois DMV to obtain my new license and registration put a hellfire of fear in my belly.
In reality, the experience left me feeling like I was in a two-hour long comedy special:
1. License Line: Kicked out of line due to improper proof of residency and given printed list of proper documents.
2. Registration Line: Obtained plates and registration after long conversation about how to become a proofreader and if I could hire the clerk at some juncture.
Also, I realized I had the proper proof of residency after all.
3. License Line: Gave new lady my proof of residency, she gave me a number to stand in another line.
4. Eye test, organ donor line: The clerk, wearing oversized glasses and a bit of a mullet, asks,
“Were these documents mailed to you at your new address?”
“No,” I say.
“You need two pieces of mail at your new address,” she replies.
I am kicked out of her line. This makes me mad.
I ask the woman at the door about my proof of residency. She claims that I should be fine with my documents.
I budge back into line.
It is go time.
The clerk seems flabbergasted by my persistance and finally gets up, checks with her supervisor and hollers,
“GUESS YOU’RE GOOD TO GO!” and plops back down on her chair.
5: Eye Test: I take the eye test and can’t see a damned thing. My hair is in the way.
“I don’t see anything,” I whine.
Clerk mutters, “Just read the last line.” She is tired of me and doesn’t really seem to care if I can see or not. This worries me. What if I really was vision impaired? Would she just send me on my way with a license?
But, before she sends me over to the written test she states,
“You should really be more consistent with your signature in this post-9/11 world.”
Thanks for the tip.
6. Written test: I am given a forty question paper test. The last page consists of matching street signs to their purposes. This test seems far easier than the one I took when I was fifteen. I miss one and I pass (you can miss seven). WOO! The clerk was not as excited as me.
7. Drivers License Photo: After waiting in yet another line, I am ready to take my photo. I blink. I blink again. The photo taker snorts, YOU’RE A BLINKER!
On the third blink, she gives up and leaves the photo as is…and I look like I am drunk on my drivers license.
Welcome to Illinois!